Entry 9

Door to door sales wasn't bad. I started to enjoy it. Yes, the slammed doors in your face was something that I had to get use to but overall I met some amazing people. I envisioned myself living the life that many of my clients lived. I wanted their life. They seemed so happy. They had what I was missing... Purpose. One day while walking the neighborhood, knocking on doors in the hot heat a pain pierced my side. Hurt that even today I  couldn't put it into words. I sat on the steps holding my side with tears streaming down my face. A gentleman walking by and asked if I was okay and I told him no. He asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I nodded my head yes. The pain was strong. I didn't understand it. However once I stood up blood was everywhere. Then it hit me, I was having a miscarriage! Now I was scared. The guy immediately went in his home and got some trash bags to cover his seats, then proceeded to drive me to the emergency room. Once there I was seen immediately only to be told that I had to push the baby out!!!! What?!?! Why?! What's going on with me?! Help me to understand? All of these questions but no answers just instructions. No family. No co-workers. Just me. Alone, scared, and confused. I was barely 18. After the nightmare a male doctor entered into the room. He was short and old. He ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO KNOW THE SEX OF THE BABY. I told him NO. He then told me it was a boy! I was heart broken. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mommy however when I called home and explained what had happened I didn't receive the response that I had expected. 'Stay and push through it'! I was devastated. At a time when I needed a hug and support I got tough love and I wasn't happy. I became bitter and distant. I just lost a son, now my family had turned their backs too. I was in an unfamiliar state surrounded by strangers who didn't even know that I was in the hospital! Two days later I was back to work. Going door to door selling books and magazines and I wanted out!...