Entry 10

   Dear senseless me, how can you keep moving as if that didn't just happen? Why are you so calm? Why not just leave? "But Where will I go?!! Where?!!!!" I felt trapped there, so I stayed. I met a guy. He was an awesome salesman and crazy about me. He made me laugh. He was tall and strong and confident. I felt safe when he was around. One day, out of no where, he gave me a ring. I didn't want it. I didn't want what the ring represented...relationship. Don't get me wrong, I was into him, but I was into myself more. I wasn't ready for what he was proposing but I was too scared to tell him. So I just smiled and played along. One evening, it was probably a Sunday, a group of us decided to go hang out. We rode in the company's van to the city where the local bars and clubs were. Since I was too young for the club, I stayed behind and hung out with the other underage crew. At the end of the night when it was time to return back Ole dude had a serious attitude with me. Even went as far as accusing me of fooling around with his best friend while they were at the club. We all were drinking however he got so mad that he pulled me out of the van yelling crazy accusations. Then he pushed me on my forehead and I went falling to the ground, hard. The other guys were trying to calm him down and had manage to do so until we returned. Word traveled quickly and here I was a victim. I just wanted him to calm down; hear my side of the story. I did nothing wrong and he had to believe me. So against my better judgement I went to talk with him. We met on the stairwell of the hotel that opened to the outside. What happened next will forever be with me. Once I was out there he was talking nice. He even smiled but then he grabbed me by the throat and had me dangling over the railing. This mofo had completely lost it! He was going to kill me! He started asking me what happened and if I loved him. I told him whatever I thought he wanted to hear! I was scared that he would drop me. I kept pleading with him to pull me back over the railing. I told him that I loved him and only him. But when my feet hit the ground I slowly moved away from him and began yelling and crying uncontrollably. This mutherlover was going to kill me over a misunderstanding. I was done. Or was I?...