I'm not a Victim

One day while walking down judgement and critical people  blvd. I ran into you. It was only while saying our good byes that I realized the hidden tone that was laced in between your woven words of nothing. It hurt. Some one who I admired from a far thought so less of me. Your words sat with me for days. Penetrating my thoughts. Restructuring my style. Transforming my core. Your words had settled in. I began to own them as if they were my original thoughts. I slept with them. Woke up with them. But what's worse is i believed them. Until one day while walking, I walked past a mirror, and as I looked at the reflection I slowly stopped. Carefully examining the reflection that was before me, I began to weep. A low moan escaped my lips as my weeping turned into sobbing. It was in that moment I had realized what had happened. How could a strong willed, strong minded person allow anyone to influence how I see me? How did I become persuaded of someone else's theory of my life? My cries continued. I grieved for days, blaming myself. Fussing at my inner me. Disappointed with the betrayal. I hid, sunk into depression, then became what I told myself I'd never become... a victim.

My love letter to my pen...

I've been contemplating having this conversation for awhile. I'm not really sure where I shall begin. We've been seeing each other off and on for a good number of years and nothing truly has come from it. I like you sometimes but I love you always. How long will we continue this thing between us? I live in your shadow. Or you live in mines. I see your relationship with others and I'm a little jealous because that's supposed to be us! We make such great  music together yet lately our tunes been off. How do you explain that? Can you explain that? Is it explainable? I'm not sure. When I dream of what we could be my heart weeps. I need you but if I'm honest you don't need me. I believed that we would be great. What do you think? Am I alone in feeling this way? I want to walk away but I'm stuck. You keep calling me, playing with the idea of a happy ending. Yet we are not growing together. I want us to be great but maybe our greatness will shine once we are apart. But I don't wanna part, you're my heart...