Entry 14

I left. I'm no longer a traveling saleswoman, nope, I'm just a pregnant teenager ready to get it right this time. My mom told me that the guy who I was pregnant by before I left, the one where I miscarried, yea him, she said that he called. I was excited to hear that. I really liked him. Our timing was just off. I didn't even have a number to call him back. In the meantime I need to decide what am I going to do with myself. This was a struggle because I never quite saw myself as being anything but a wife and a mother. Of course I love to write, but in my vision I was a wife, a mother, and a creative writer. Which meant I stayed at home and wrote short stories. Nothing fancy, very domestic. I dreamt of remodeling our home and taking our kids to school and cooking dinner, cleaning the house, domesticated. That's all I saw. What I've learned is that sometimes you have to change the way you see you. This was a lonely time for me because I was the only one who could fix me. I had to change my mind. Which took many years to discover. Outside I appeared strong but on the inside I was desperate for someone anyone to throw me a lifeline. Then he called...